Archive | August, 2012

Real Deal

13 Aug

It’s pretty bad when kids are brutally honest with you.
I was never Ms. Skinny Popularity in middle school or high school. In fact there were many kids that were bullies. They made fun of me for being FAT. To this very day I hate that word with a passion. It wasn’t as if I was the biggest, fattest person in school, but I was overweight. If they decided to pick on someone else that day, it turned out to be a great day for me. I do not like hearing this word out of my children’s faces. My oldest daughter (and the one who is giving me a run for my money) called her little 7 year old sister that one day and I about flipped out. For one, her sister is not fat she is just built differently than her little skinny ass. For two, I really hate that word. So with her being so smart and picking up my annoyance, one day she gets pissed at me and yelled something from her room about me being fat. Really?! My own daughter? The bully? Instead of crying I ground her (there was more to that story, she absolutely deserved to be grounded that day). Shit, this kid should have seen me 10 years ago when she was just a tiny baby. I was almost fifty pounds heavier than I am now. Yes, I need to lose weight. Do I need my kid to remind me? Hell no. I mean damn! Cut me a little slack, I carried four precious babies within my womb and nursed them until the milk ran dry. Fast forward about a week. My 4 year old son walks in my room while I am changing my clothes. He tells me I have a big butt. Wow. Water Works R’ Us. I didn’t want to cry but I was feeling extra fat (and emotional) being on my period. Thank you, kids. Thank you for your brutal honesty. I feel like going to starve myself now (kidding). I went straight for my youngest kid who is almost 2 now and hugged him. He hugged me and cuddled me for a few minutes until he squirmed out of my mama bear hug so that he could go run around with the rest of my family circus. He doesn’t care what I look like he just cares that I am mom, that I am here for him, and he is loved. Why can’t everyone have such a wonderful view of me?
This brutal honesty hasn’t gone unnoticed. As much as I hate to have this type of incentive, I guess I needed it somewhat to get my ass into gear. I have a goal. I need to actually STICK TO! I always make goals and they just vanish so I need to hold myself accountable. I am going to post my story on a blog and track myself getting into better shape. So I am now sitting at 280 and I want to get down to 220 (keep in mind that I am 5’9” and have a larger frame than most ladies so when I was at 230 lbs I actually didn’t look all that bad). So I need to shed 60 lbs. off by April 20, 2013 (which is my 12th wedding anniversary). I can do this. I just need some support, some healthy food, daily exercise, and wash it down with plenty of water and I should be good to go. Maybe when I am 60 lbs. thinner than my kids won’t feel the need to remind me of my queen sized ass. Just maybe instead of downloading Megan Fox in her underwear for his perverted cell phone wallpaper, my husband will put me on his screen saver (Thanks honey for shooting my already dead self-esteem and sorry I may have accidentally deleted the pictures of sexy bitches that were on your phone) Guess it’s time to get my body, self-esteem, and confidence back!


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13 Aug

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